Originally slated to depict a stage III breast cancer battle fought, then a battle won… finally realized as a quasi journal while living with stage IV metastatic breast cancer, still a battle, still fighting, but knowing the end is closer, perhaps much closer… minus the pink ribbons.

This site is the photograph, art and thought blog of Carolyn Frayn, a Canadian Artist & Photographer… a Designer, Developer, Programmer, Computer and Tech Geek…

Or it was going to be… that’s me, and this marks the end of third person descriptors. This site will end up being a collection of thoughts, musings, images, photographs, and anything else I care to put up. I was diagnosed with stage III aggressive Breast Cancer in May 2009. I had a mastectomy (right side, scraped down to the ribs) with lymph node removal under right arm (peeled skin and scooped, severed nerves), 9 out of 10 nodes positive. I’ll get more into my surgery, which was supposed to be a lumpectomy, in posts, with photos… beware. I was fast tracked to chemo, and had that throughout most of the rest of 2009, radiation with major burning to the mastectomy side early 2010, herceptin and muga scans throughout 2010. Doctors, bone scans, IV’s, CT scans, Mamo’s, hormone therapy through 2011 and 2012.

After two CT scans where they MISSED the new breast cancer tumour eating a vertebrae in my neck, and the reason for my pain all through 2012, I was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic breast cancer on July 24th, 2012. I’m sure I was stage IV in 2011, and while I appreciate the good vibes and gentle words, my prognosis of the median 3 years may have started last year, not this year. Not to say I believe it, because I will be fighting on and hoping for many more years. Statistics are numbers, we are all different and each battle yields different results.

The truth is, this is a death sentence. It changes people, it changes perception, it changes life, obviously. Within the pages of this blog, you will not find pink ribbons, you will probably not find fuzzy warm thoughts while counting years of survival. What I should have done from day one, in 2009, when my supposed little tiny mass turned out to be the size of a banana, when there was question that perhaps I had inflammatory breast cancer, when it was noticed that so much was unknown, when so much still seemed educated guess work, was realized it was already a death sentence and lived life that way, got stuff done… To hell with statistics. Now, I will get that stuff done, this blog being part of that process.

Within this blog you will find photographs and art that I have taken or worked on since my first diagnosis, and may continue to do once that important stuff is completed. That drive to create is not inside me at the moment, but as I write this, the news is raw, I’m still processing, and my creative drive may return.

Some of the photographs and art on this blog may contain nudity, rawness, truth… some of the photographs and art may be objectionable to you, if you don’t wish to see the truth of this horrid disease, or wish to see self portraits in various forms of that same truth, I totally understand, please don’t stay, and should you be so inclined, please don’t contact me to express nor preach your views. I respect your views, I just refuse to defend mine, there is not enough time left to be so passionate… life is too short, and I’ve spent much time defending many things throughout my life, that part of me has also retired.

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